What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 00:17
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
When she asked me how she looked .
How can I watch porn on TikTok?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
What are you struggling with in your life? What would you like to have instead?
Im still living with it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why The Simpsons stopped producing Maude Flanders episodes?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Would this be the day?
Why is it common for guys to sleep with 10-20 women then marry a good girl?
All the time i was locked up.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was 9 years of age.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why is that Hag Hillary Clinton so quiet these days? She is the dog that isn't barking
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What is the best/cute/funny/playful chat/conversation between brother and sister?
I think the readers, may guess!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Put me off passion for life!!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
What makes you feel guilty the most?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She married twice! .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
What are your funniest "lost in translation" moments if you grew up speaking more than one language?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Especially a lifetime of it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
How can I decorate my house creatively?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Have you ever been forced into bestiality?
I never cut or harmed myself..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
What are some photos of female sexual organs?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He knew the spot.
This is soul school!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I have no regrets .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was scared of men, in general
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Who then, do I blame.?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
It was going to be , some day.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So whats the point in blame.
But ive been too sick for many years..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But, we were locked up after school.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
What did i know ?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Comes on , in middle age.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She was in good health!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were not on the streets..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My family never makes their pension either.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I don,t even have a pension.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I will be 64.
We all went to grammer schools
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was very sick at this time too.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So, i spoilt her more .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She loved him until the end.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And i lived it daily.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She wouldn,t have been !
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I waited trembling.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I write beautiful poetry .
I said to her
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She found it foreign!.
But it wasn’t much.
One cannot live in the past .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I could never make a relationship work though!
Ive learnt so much.
Was to survive, this bastard.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My life is so biszare .
I was seconnd youngest,
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!